Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Adventures with an African scammer - Part 3

Poor old Chester isn’t too bright, and he experiences a lot of problems with the banks regarding this payment to Kelvin. The banks are being really mean:

Dear mr Kevin,

I have been to the other bank, but I now have another problem. The currency of US dollars is not available from another bank where I have no account. I can only trade in foreign currency if I go to the bank where I have my account. They are very strict these days.

Why is the courier company not with Paypal or with Visa? Then I can pay with my credit card. I have bought my blow-up doll and Pamela Anderson videos with my credit card - it is very quick and easy.

Please talk to the Global Courier company, they must be able to handle credit card payments?

Otherwise you can send me the package so long, it is easier to pay for it from here once I have the invoice.

Thank you.

Please give me a call if you want me to explain over the phone. I think you have my number?


The faithful leader of the AWB had - once again - not received any phone calls from Ghana. He doesn’t even get any prank calls anymore.

I thought mentioning a “blow-up doll” and “Pamela Anderson videos” would be quite offensive to such a spiritual, church-abusing man, but it had gone straight over his head. This guy is about as intelligent as a North Korean stock market analyst.

I now call him “Mr Kevin”, but this doesn’t bother him at all. Why would it - it’s a fake name, after all?

Thanks for your mail and I can see that you are finding it very difficult to send the fee because of the currency involve

Now all you have to do as soon as you receive this mail is to go and use the money in your currency and by a very good Nokia phone which is up to that amount and send it to me through speed post so that when I receive it I can sale it here and help you pay the security keeping fee and your Box will be send to you immediately without delay

I have ask Global Security Company and they told me that they don’t accept any type of credit card so the best thing is for you to use the money and buy a qulity Nokia phone and send so that I will help you sale it and pay the fee

Thanks and I am waiting to here from you as soon as you buy it so that I will give you the address where you will send it to where I can receive it here

Regards Mr. Kelvin

Chester was very thankful for someone in Africa with such a good heart. This guy’s entrepreneurship knows no boundaries.

Interesting to note that the so-called “Global Security Company” cannot come and collect the phone from Chester. Also more interesting is the fact that a “Global” Courier company would not accept credit cards. How on earth would they be able to do any business?

Fortunately “Chester” had the brain of a brick, and immediately fell for “Mr Kevin’s” brilliant idea.

Chester was extremely glad about the fact that there still are good, decent, helpful souls out there.

Considering the fact that Chester still doesn’t even know what his so-called "box" in Ghana contains, this all makes very good financial sense:


Thank you for all this hard work you're doing for me. These days you don't always find people who will help easily.

I have nearly bought the Nokia, but then I realised I need to make sure the model is the type that will work in Ghambia. The ones we have here may be different types, as here we have a 3G network with ultra high bandwidth and our phones have Malgoric text with multiplexing diodes.

What type of Nokia will you be able to sell in Ghambia? And which type will sell for the equivalent of around $180? (I added another $30 to the $150, so that it will pay you for your hard work)
[Chester really is a nice guy, isn't he?]

Let me know quicly please, I have some other appointments with my concubine and I need to be diligent in this matter.

Here I started to become very bold with all the ridiculous references in-between . After the “blow-up doll” incident, I started to really test this guy’s intellectual capacity. I am sorry to say that he failed each test miserably.

Firstly, I referred to his country as “Ghambia”, in stead of Ghana. There was a reason for this, and you will see the value of this later on.

I actually thought I would lose this idiot at this stage - I was really taking fat chances here.

“Malgoric text and multiplexing diodes” - have you ever heard of anything like that? He did not even attempt to Google these phrases to see if they existed, neither did he ever question them.

The “concubine” part was my favourite. I really thought that we would lose him, as well as the Church, Mary and the Saints, after that one. But, alas, Mr Kevin displayed no special skills in his understanding of the English language, and accepted it all as part of big business talk.

I started referring to myself as “Chess” - we’re big buddies now.

Read more about the “multiplexing diodes” and other science fiction in my next delivery of this amazing tale of bravery, lies, deceit and horrifying comedy...

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