Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Pirates of the Namibian

What a weird and wonderful world this is. Now we are back to the times where pirates attack ships and rule the seas. They even take over oil tankers the size of three aircraft carriers. Unbelievable.

With most attacks ending after million-dollar payouts, piracy is considered the biggest economy in Somalia. Pirates have raked in up to $US30million in ransoms this year.

And during all this, I am still waiting for my beloved container to arrive on the shores of the Land of Opportunity. Yep, you guessed it - those Somalian pirates have somehow taken over my ship, and they are going through MY stuff in my container as we speak. They are drinking the few bottles of good South African red wine that I loaded, and they're lying with their stinking dirty criminal feet all over my leather couches. My 10 year KWV brandy is being consumed by a drunk black pirate with an eye patch and a hook for a claw, while he is reading my John Grisham collection and tearing pages out of them to smoke dope.

They are using our trampoline as a gangplank and they use this to force the ship's original crew to jump into the sea.

They hooked up my DSTV decoder (the movers packed that before I could tell them to leave it in Africa - I can't use it Down Under) onto my surround-sound system and they're watching Rugby games at decent times, while I have to sit and watch them at 01h00 in the morning because Australian clocks run too fast.

They are playing with my children's toys, and fighting about it. They are using my computer to access porn sites and send ransom notes. (And send emails to their mothers, of course. )

They are abusing my nice double-bed in ways I don't even want to think about.

All this while I am waiting patiently - waiting for a phone call from someone at the harbour saying:

"This is the coast guard - we have your container. Please come out with your hands above your head. We have you surrounded"

Christmas will have a new meaning if that container makes it in time.

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