Adventures with an African scammer - Part 7

Kevin never called - maybe he was bluffing? One of the numbers I gave him belonged to a friend of mine in South Africa, but he never did get a call from old Kev. He did, however, impress me with his next email.

Kevin suddenly seemed to be a little less aggressive:

Dear Chester Williams
Here is the ID of Emeka John Paul who the package will be deliver to his address and he will bring it to me to enable do as we plane and I am also using this opportunity to say sorry if you don’t like the words I use in the last mail to you so am very sorry

Mean while I will be waiting for your response as soon as you receive this ID and give it to them please get back to me and let me know when the package will arrive here in Ghana and please do not forget to give them the phone number I give to you which they will call as soon as the package arrive here in Ghana

Thanks and i am waiting
Regards
Mr. Kelvin

This is the ID that Kevin attached. (click on the picture to see the detail)

The attached passport was a real winner. This had been my mission all the time - to obtain a fake ID document from a real flaky scammer. In the scam-baiting business, this is one of the best trophies you can add to your collection.

This guy's MS-Paint skills were better than that of old Chong Wong, but was only a marginal improvement.

Just have a look and see how cute it is - he pasted John Paul Emeka’s name in the right spot, but he forgot to correct the mistake in the bottom of the passport, where it clearly states “Ghaudunkwa, Daniel”.

This poor guy is not the brightest kid on the block. (On the other hand, maybe he is...)

Chester was very impressed, of course, and was glad that the transaction could continue in a civilised manner. Chester had numerous contacts all over the world - due to his connections with the Lehman brothers - and with a fake passport like this, new opportunities were starting to open up worldwide.

They have quite a few airfields in Ghana. One of them is in a place called Yendi, a small stinking dump about 619km from Accra. A plan had already started to form in my mind while I intensively studied all the Google maps in order to find out where Ghana actually was.

FedEx was unable to deliver straight to Accra, they were only able to deliver this package to Yendi. Poor Kelvin, he should have used "Global Couriers" instead...

Dear Kevin,

I appreciate the reverential change in attitude, it is healthy for our relationship.

Thank you very much for the passport, I have forwarded it to FedEx, and they were indeed happy with it. They will be shipping to Ghana immediately.

This time we have the address correct. It is Ghana, not Gambia, it is Ghana as you said in your email, and I confirmed again that they will be sending it to Ghana. So it is Ghana, not Gambia.

They have your number, and should be calling any time soon.
Now, have you found any quotes from local traffickers about how much they will pay for a Nokia N97? How much is it worth, and when will you pay the money into the Global Courier Services Account? I need to receive my package soon please.

I have been thinking about visiting Ghana soon. Maybe we can meet in a nice quiet detrimental place and talk some more business one day.

Anyway, I hope to hear from you soon.

May the force be with you.
Regards,
Chess

I mentioned traffickers, as in "drug traffickers", but of course this did not put off my friend Kelvin.

He also missed one crucial word in this email:

Detrimental - harmful, damaging, disadvantageous, unfavourable

“Maybe we can meet in a nice quiet detrimental place...”

And then, a classic:

“May the force be with you” ????

This guy watches too much African TV - he should have been more attentive when Star Wars happened.

Chester has, however, really touched this guy’s heart, now that he mentioned visiting Ghana. This was nearly like a declaration of love to Kevin, and he responded swiftly:

Dear Chester Williams

Thanks for your mail to me and am once again apologize for the mail I sent to you which you are not much happy about so please forgive and forget

Mean while I have not ask how much they are selling the phone here but all know is that any amount the prize is here it must rich to pay the charge to Global Company to enable them deliver your package to you because the phone is expensive phone so don’t worry about that I will make sure I sell it the amount that will rich to pay for the delivering of your package

Regards what you said about visiting Ghana I will be very happy if you can do so because I have a friend who is a Banker and he is looking for a good trusted foreign partner that he can do business with a very large of amount and when you come I will introduce you to him so that he can do the transaction with you because I have the trust in you and I will guarantee him in that you are a nice person so no problem about that

Thanks and I will let you know as soon as the phones arrive here in Ghana and Fedex company call to come and collect it
Thanks and I am waiting to here from you as soon as you receive this mail about the business I talk about with my friend who work in a Bank here

Regards
Mr. Kelvin

Oh yes! A new business partner! A very eager one, too...
Now things started to get really interesting. Chester was beginning to enjoy the new level that this relationship had moved to.

I knew that this scumbag would be too glad to hear that Chester was coming to visit Ghana - these scammers love to trap innocent idiots with bags of money, and then dump their bodies in a mass grave somewhere in a backyard in Accra once they’re done with them.

Some stupid white idiot from Australia lands in Accra with his black suit and his briefcase, and he suddenly gets shoved into a car’s boot, and after extracting the last few dollars from his bank account, he is never heard of again... This is what Kevin was dreaming about - he had been smiling in his sleep lately.

Chester had moved Kelvin’s heart strings, and it was time to shift this up a notch. But first, the package had to be misplaced (again):

Dear Kelvin,

There is good news, and there is bad news. The good news is that the package has arrived in Ghana. The bad news is that it was taken to another city close to you, the place is called Yendi.

They tell me it is not too far away from Accra.

Apparently there is some problem to deliver to Accra, something went wrong with the aeroplane, and it had to land on the airstrip at Yendi.

Fortunately it is very close to Accra, so maybe if you would take a taxi and go and fetch it there, it would save some time. Otherwise we have to wait for next month’s flight from Yendi to Accra.

I am very angry at these FedEx people, they have really messed this up in an insanitary way. So please just commandeer a train, ferry or bus to Yendi and go and get the package there if you please. I am sorry about this premeditated error.

I will write to you soon about some other business, I just need to handle a few meetings with my concubine and the despot.

Will be in touch soon.

Regards,
Chester
Greetings

Chester waited for a while, and then decided to go for the Big Business:

Dear Kevin,

Now, about something else.

I can see that you are a keen contemptible businessman, and I can trust you. I would like to know if you want to do more business of another dubious nature.

You see, the real business is in a new drug called Varkbal. I have been setting up some really good networks all over Africa, and I know you can be of good help to us.

If you are interested let me know. You are under no obligation to do this other business, I am only offering because we are good partners so far. It is only for those with a strong heart and mind, the kind of people who are really hardworking decadent businessmen. If you think you are that kind of man, then we can talk about it. But, if not, please do not mention this to anyone, it could cause many problems of a compromising nature to me and my atrocious company. This is just our secret - between you and me, all right?

So let me know how you feel about exposing yourself to an international disturbing business. I will be out of reach over the weekend - will be back in touch on Monday.

Regards,
Chess

Kelvin was dead silent, so old Chester tried again:

Hi Kevin,

I am back after a busy weekend running all my affairs. Have you recieved my last email?

Are you interested in doing business with me?
Let me know. Time is running out.

See you later
Chess

Again, no reply. Chester had to try every trick in the book to get this man's attention. Maybe I went too far this time? - Thank goodness, I really needed the time for my regular "real-life" emails and my blog...

Kevin,

I haven’t heard from you, so I don’t know if you’ve gone to Yendi yet.

I have had many problems with these FedEx people, and I have decided to go and collect that package at Yendi myself. I want to fly in to Ghana on Thursday and meet you at the airport at Yendi.

We are flying in with our corporate jet. We will land at Accra airport, and will immediately get a connect flight to Yendi.

Hopefully I will be able to sort out these depraved smugglers who have our package.

Hope to you see you there. We will land there at 13:30.
Regards,
Chess

I was greeted with only silence - maybe he went to Yendi? Who will ever know?

It was now time for me to put the last weapon to the test. It was time to throw the cat into the doghouse, so to speak:

This was the last email that Kelvin Kamwe, alias John Paul Emeka, alias Daniel Ghaudunkwa received from me. (Or was it really me?)

---

From: John Edgar Heever
[mailto:fbi_anticorruption_unit@elitemail.org]
Sent: Wednesday, 3 June 2009 20:21
To: Kelvin kwame
Subject: Corruption and fraud investigation

Dear Mr. “Kamwe”,

First, let me introduce myself:

My name is John Edgar Heever, I am with the FBI. We are currently investigating a case of fraud, murder, money laundering and international drug smuggling, and as a result you are now under investigation.

We have proof that you have been in contact with a certain Mr. John Paul Emeka. We also have proof that you have been involved in numerous cases of fraud, embezzlement and misrepresentation, and that you have stolen international funds.

As we have international jurisdiction, we are allowed by the Ghana government to operate on foreign soil, and we have therefore been following your every move and action for the last two months.

We know when you go to sleep, we know when, where and what you eat, we know each time you log into a computer, and we have been tracking each of your criminal transactions.

The most alarming discovery, however, is that we found that you had direct relations with Mr. Chester Williams. This person is on the most wanted list in ten countries, and we have been tracking him down for quite a while.

As you probably know, Mr Williams is an extremely dangerous man. He would not think twice about your life, and will certainly silence anyone who has had contact with him and could testify against him in a court of law. He always covers his tracks, which is why he has been so difficult to hunt down.

We have discovered that Mr. Williams was planning on sending some illegal drugs to Ghana, and he has been arranging to send a package containing these drugs to you. He was just using you - you were under the impression that he was sending you cell phones or something similar.

I would strongly recommend that you co-operate with us during this investigation.
It’s your choice, you can decide: do you want Mr Williams to get to you first (and kill you), or would you rather help us to catch him before he gets to you? It’s your choice.
Let us know what you have decided. You have 24 hours.

If we hear nothing from you within 24 hours, we will regard you as un-cooperative, and we will just sit and wait for Chester Williams to hunt you down. That way, we will be able to catch him, and get him charged for murder. We will have no use for you any further. We do not negotiate with terrorists, and we don’t stand in their way when they get killed by other terrorists.

If you are aware of Mr Williams’s whereabouts, I suggest that you inform us, because we have information that suggests that he is on his way to Ghana on a mission to get rid of evidence - including any humans who can testify against him.

As I said, “Kelvin”, it’s your choice. And by the way, before you try your luck - we know you are not really Kelvin Kamwe. We know you have been providing false ID documents in the name of John Paul Emeka, although you used the passport of Daniel Ghaudunkwa and illegally made a counterfeit passport.

We know much more than you could ever think.

John Edgar Heever
FBI

The author’s final word, after an intense session of inner thought and self-discovery:

I think old Daniel Palukwa wetted himself, burnt down his computer, and is constantly looking over his shoulder. Somehow I hope that Chester will someday catch up with this bastard and finish him off once and for all. I have heard rumours about Chester walking around in Accra with an AK47 and an axe.

Once again, I solemnly pledge that all of the emails as posted in this article, are genuine. I posted the email text exactly as they were sent and received, and only added the blue colour to emphasise some science fiction, and the red to add comments in between.

You are most welcome to contact Mr Kelvin Kamwe - alias John Paul Emeka, alias Daniel Gaudunkwa - at this email address and threaten his life, beg for dope, or try to obtain some packages from him. I’m sure he would appreciate really large emails with big attachments, as he would enjoy having his Yahoo mailbox totally filled with junk.

mrkelvinkwameh@yahoo.cn

Or give him a call on behalf of the FBI. (Who, by the way, never usually have jurisdiction to work on foreign soil, as this is the job of the CIA)

His number is 0249141364 in Accra, Ghana - not Gambia, but Accra Ghana so it is Ghana not Gambia because I notice that you say Gambia but it is Ghana...

Well, that’s the end of this story - I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, please leave a comment and I may consider writing about my next love affair with a 25-year old Sudanese girl who currently lives in a mission in Burkina Faso, after she was betrayed by her evil stepmother who nearly stole her father’s 8.5 million dollar inheritance, which she now wants to deposit in my own personal bank account.

May the Force be with you...